I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
