I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
