Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize