The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I can't turn off my feet"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
