do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
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