Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
