thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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