i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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