ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I love you. Go after that dick
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
