i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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