my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
