You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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