Who wears a wallet chain?!
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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