saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
