I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
