People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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