Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
