There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
