I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize