i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
