walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
