i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
