Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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