My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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