ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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