We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Text me some of your sweat
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
