i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
