At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
