M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
