booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
