Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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