OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
