Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
