I accidentally had phone sex last night
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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