Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
