Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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