I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
