Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
