I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
