So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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