you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
