moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
