The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
