I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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