Where did you get a picture of my penis
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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