Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
