I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
