It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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