I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
