Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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