After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
then he tried to convert me to islam
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
