i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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