I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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