trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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