I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The cops high fived after they tackled you
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
