wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
