bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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