I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
3pm strippers are depressing
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
