everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
