You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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