I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize