Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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