Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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