my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
